My First Author Reading: A Nightmare with Pesto Sauce

Yesterday, my publishing team sent an email asking if I was still ready to start into production in December, meaning would my manuscript be finished by then?

Yes, absolutely! I typed back cheerfully, full of purpose and resolve. That evening, I made dinner, had a glass of wine and went to bed at the usual time.

Many hours later, I awoke from a dream (nightmare) where I found myself waiting to give my first author reading at a bookstore. There were 88 people waiting to hear me speak, but I figured I still had a quick moment to use the loo down the street first.

Looking into the mirror as I washed my hands, I practice smiled and saw with horror that all my teeth were covered in green pesto. Worse, one of my porcelain veneers was missing, giving my mouth an overall ghoulish appearance. Upon closer, and even more frightening examination, I noticed my eyebrows (which are micro-bladed) had also somehow disappeared!

This was not Halloween, and my book was not about monsters. What was I to do?!

Dodging all of the people in my way on the crumbling sidewalk, I ran back to the bookstore, while trying to scrape my teeth clean and practice speaking with my lips closed so as not to reveal the gap in my teeth.

I arrived back, out of breath and late for my reading. The head of the bookstore gave me a hostile look, tut-tutted that I was 15 minutes late, then led me over to the podium where I would stand to read.

Hesitantly, I walked up the steps, clutching my book and turned to face the crowd. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, church bells began pealing loudly.

The audience disappeared. I was not in a bookstore, I was lying in bed in my home in a small village in Portugal. I ran my tongue over my teeth. Thankfully, they were all still there.

Even the thought that I still have 50,000 words to edit before December seems a lot more appealing than reading my book in front of 88 people with pesto on my teeth, one veneer missing and no eyebrows!